I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
