Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
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and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
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I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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