Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
