He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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