Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
