just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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