My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
