so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize