He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
