i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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