Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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