So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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