I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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