i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
