i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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