There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
