Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
