So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
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what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
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I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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