I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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