She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
