If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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