Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
