he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
