I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
