Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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