i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
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She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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