So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
