just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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