is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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