I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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