You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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