Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
