sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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