Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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