What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
