Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
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We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
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watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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