Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
