your parents love me but you hate me
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
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In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
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Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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