exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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