Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
