i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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