It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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