Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
