Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
