My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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