apparently the secret to your success is patron
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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