dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
nutella sex= disaster
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
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My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
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if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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