Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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