think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize