she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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