I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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