so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
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Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
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he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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