at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
