Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
