Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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