ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
