I'm going to jail i love you
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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