I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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