I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
