6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
