walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
