It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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