Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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