If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
