I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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